I read a blog post the other day talking about the increase in pressure a lot of couples feel to have the BEST PROPOSAL EVER that will go viral and be seen by 80 million people and get them a book deal, six seasons and a movie or whatever kinds of goals the kids have these days. The writer makes a good point about the fact that a proposal is, ultimately, a serious decision being made between two people that has potentially lifelong repercussions. In that moment, should you really be thinking more about whether the flash mob’s dance moves are perfectly coordinated? This, incidentally, is why I’ve always been slightly horrified by stadium proposals shown on the Jumbotrons. There’s no choice, really — but what if the target of the proposal doesn’t want to say yes? The horror!
I think the concept of publicizing moments that maybe shouldn’t be — well, quite so public, applies to a lot of the nonsense surrounding weddings. Since the first day humans lived close enough to each other to call someone a neighbor, we’ve been judging what other people do and using it to shape our own decisions. This is never truer than with weddings, where sometimes it seems like everyone else is taking notes (there’s even a TV show for that!). But aside from the aunts all comparing thoughts about the flower arrangements, there’s a lot of this that can be self-imposed. Instagramming all of your invitation options, posting an album just of different colored roses, retweeting everything your wedding planner tweets — these are just invitations (hah) for people to offer their own thoughts and opinions.
Sometimes we don’t want to know.
There are definitely details that require input from other people — bridesmaids dresses, for example. Only a truly terrible friend would inflict dresses on her bridesmaids without at least some kind of consultation (although believe me, those terrible friends exist. I’ve seen proof). Food, obviously, is something that necessitates asking around — you can’t have only meat and chicken options for your cousin’s vegan boyfriend! Some things are just basic human decency (which, again, often goes out the window when it comes to weddings), and those are certainly questions that should be shared with the general public. Share your invitations, too. Helps with attendance.
But it’s probably not necessary to spend ten minutes deciding on the Instagram filter that best shows off your engagement ring — especially when you almost certainly have something else you’re supposed to be doing. It’s understandable, when planning a wedding, that you’re going to look for other opinions to validate your decisions — that’s why so many wedding blogs exist, after all! But sometimes surprises are nice, and maybe your guests would rather just show up and see what the tables look like, instead of receiving constant updates for the two weeks leading up to the event. Maybe it’s better to appear in the dress as if it looked perfect all along, rather than keeping everyone posted on every minute change in the six-month fitting and alteration process. You’re an adult — you can probably choose a nail polish color by yourself, without involving the Twittersphere. Or anyone that isn’t in the room with you.
It’s difficult for some people.
Of course, to each her own. For some people, it’s really exciting to share everything that’s happening leading up to this wonderful event. That’s great for them, and those of us who may not want to listen can simply choose to tune out. But there’s something to be said for valuing a bit of privacy. Most of the surprises in the world these days seem to be bad ones. Keep some information to yourself, and make your wedding a place that’s full of good surprises instead. And hopefully minimal flash mobs.
[Okay, you’re allowed to do this one, but only if all of your friends are professional dancers]
But this is just my opinion. Do you think there’s some value to keeping people informed through the planning process? Were you the victim of a compulsive oversharing friend? Exactly how many Instagram photos of roses are appropriate in a given week? What do you think?
I Just Want It To Be Perfect 
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