Tipsy Toast or Tasteful Toast?

*Clink! Clink! Clink!*

I’ve been to more than 350 weddings, so I’ve heard roughly 900 wedding speeches. Believe me when I tell you that these toasts are hardly ever among the memorable highlights of a wedding, especially the ode delivered by the best man. Outside of presidential campaigns, rarely is so much thought and nervous energy applied to a speech that doesn’t move the intended audience one bit. Occasionally a best man or father of the bride will deliver a speech that is heartfelt, funny, and touching, but most of the time they sound like the opening monologue at a televised awards show. There’s a reason why speaking in public is the Number One Phobia of the human race (more than the fear of heights, spiders, or broccoli). It’s because almost everyone is really bad at it.

Wedding speeches are given by a variety of toasters: a bridesmaid who wants some attention, a best man who tries to embarrass the groom (and ends up embarrassing everyone), a father who thinks he should have been a professional comedian, or any amateur who’s had a little too much champagne.

There’s a good chance you will witness an inappropriate toast, or even the occasional dueling bridesmaid speeches like in the movie clip below. Make sure you have someone assigned to step in and call a halt to the proceedings if they get out of hand. 

There are three things all toasters should remember:

1. The wedding is about the bride and groom, not about you.
2. Material should be appropriate for your audience. (Are the kiddies and grannies still around?)
3. Secrets should remain secrets. That’s why they were secret in the first place.

The Art of Manliness has 10 tips on creating the best best man speech. If you’re panicked for lack of material, look here.

Don’t let this blog post scare you, as sometimes your terrified best man will overcome his jitters to deliver a real gem of a toast. When it happens, you’ll know. You and your guests will be laughing, crying, and smiling – all at the same time.

My Pinterest has more wedding tips!

Bachelorette Madness

Tiaras, boas, pink mini dresses, platform heels, heads popping out of limo windows; we’ve all seen a bachelorette party. It is a key element of the wedding and now it’s your turn either to throw one, or have one.

Pre-planning, you must watch Bridesmaids or The Bachelorette.

These movies help you know what NOT to do: make it all about you, get too drunk, do too many drugs, mortify your bride, leave the bride with the bill or RUIN THE BRIDE’S WEDDING DRESS!

The Limo

When planning the party, get a tally of possible attendees, then decide on a party date and book the location and limo. Book the limo for before and after your party. Save the location and limo phone numbers in your phone. You never know when a girl is getting sick and needs a ride home.

Invitations should be sent at least 2 weeks before the party. Get creative – don’t use white invitations! Check out Zazzle’s unique creations.

Play dress-up. No matter how old we get, girls/ladies/women, we like to wear pink boas and sparkly tiaras. Go to Goodwill or dig in your closet to find old short tacky prom dresses. It’ll bring some laughs and you won’t take yourself so seriously.

Tonight I am….

The “Tonight my name is” nametags allow you and your guests to be different ladies for the night. What happens at a bachelorette party stays at a bachelorette party.

Be careful, planning a party the night before the wedding can lead to a hung-over bride and bridesmaids. Make sure to charge your phones, keep track of your I.D., credit cards, singles $$$ and house keys before you go to the bachelorette party.

Have an emergency kit for that night and the next day:

• Tampons
• Lipstick
• Band-Aids
• Cover-stick
• BC Powder or Ibuprofen
• $20 hidden in your underwear so you won’t spend it until an emergency

PS- DON’T let the bride drunk dial the groom. What good can come of, “THE STRIPPERS ARE SOOOOO HOTTTT!!!! OH YAY, ANOTHER LAP DANCE!”

Now put on your tiara, plan the party, take lots of photos and embrace the TACKINESS!

My Pinterest has more wedding bliss!

The bridesmaids are your best friends. Let’s keep it that way.

So your NCAA point guard sister is supposed to wear the same dress as your best friend the ballerina? Let us know how that one goes. Yes, that strapless dress (you know the one. It’s the one every bridesmaid has to wear – the one that looks like she got caught in her towel on the way to the shower) looks great in the photo – where some size 2 model is standing still. Once your real-life bridesmaids start moving around, or breathing, or having any kind of discernible bone structure, that dress will not look the same. It gaps in the front, it slips down in the back, and worst of all, it will wreak havoc on your pictures. In nearly every shot, it’s guaranteed that at least one of your lovely bridesmaids will be frowning down her cleavage, elbows chicken-winged out to the sides while she yanks up the seams of that pretty, pretty dress in an effort not to be the wardrobe malfunction that ruins your wedding.

These ladies are your friends, so don’t put that kind of pressure on them. Just let them be excited for you, drink a few too many glasses of champagne and make out with one of the groomsmen. And for the love of chiffon, give them the sartorial freedom to do it.