DIY Or Professional Help: How Far Are You Willing To Go?

Could your aunt have made this dress? Not likely.

Unless you belong to the now famous one percent, you are likely intimidated by the cost of your decision to have a wedding rather than taking a cheap flight to Vegas.  The average American wedding carries a price tag of about $28,000, a considerable pill for any but the wealthy to swallow.  However, you can get plenty of advice on bringing down that bottom line by doing things yourself or enlisting the aid of others who will work at unpaid internship rates.

Which begs the question: what parts of your wedding celebration are OK to put in the hands of amateurs, and which functions should be performed by professionals even if it runs up the bill?  Fabulous fellow blogger Elena at Seamless asks one of those critical questions: do you know a seamstress who is skilled and dependable enough to agree to sew a wedding dress for you? Most of us get plenty nervous just looking at gowns — we can’t imagine taking on the pressure of being responsible for how the thing actually looks. (That’s why we choose to stay safely behind the lens, thank you very much.)

And for those of you with a friend planning a wedding, is it wise to perform a volunteer labor of love or should some of these tasks be left to experts?  So let’s pick apart the components and see which might be candidates for the DIY approach, and which should remain in the hands of experienced veterans.

• Cake.  Professional bakers produce spectacular results, but I’ve seen plenty of charming and delicious amateur productions as well.
• Printed Material.  Place cards, invitations, save-the-date cards: all of these can have more appeal when hand-made by a person close to you, but they are labor intensive.  If you want to keep this DIY volunteer as a friend, you might want to think twice.
• Flowers.  Best left to the pros, in my opinion.  They know how to arrange and store them so they will look gorgeous at the wedding, rather than looking as though they would have been beautiful yesterday, before they wilted.
• Music: I’m a HUGE fan of live bands at the reception and musicians at the ceremony.  There’s just no substitute for real talent on display in person.  But I realize the price tag might lead you to recorded music, and I’ve seen plenty of friends with laptops do a perfectly acceptable job rocking the reception.
• Video.  Answer honestly: how many times will you watch it?  I know video artists do wonderful work, but if all you want is a record of the fact you got married, an amateur with a decent camera can be an option.
• Photography.  Sorry, you already know this is where I draw the line.  There is no comparison between photos produced by a talented professional and those snapped by Uncle Ralph with his new digital camera.  This can be the difference between a beautiful set of visual memories you will look at many times over the years and a set of excuses why they didn’t turn out.

Did you have someone you know do any of these for you?  Were those good decisions with happy outcomes, or did some of them lead to disasters?  We’re all ears.

Very cute. But that’s quite a few tiny bows to tie.

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“Never Do Anything For The First Time.”

That quote may or may not be historically accurate, but according to legend it was uttered by a Supreme Court justice giving advice on how the American legal system works.  Obviously this can’t be taken seriously since nothing new would happen, ever.  We would never have gone to the moon, the Ipod wouldn’t be connected to everyone’s ears, and Lady Gaga would exist only in our imaginations.   But you might want to keep it in mind when you are thinking about your wedding plans.  We’re assuming that you have already ignored the justice’s wisdom and made the huge decision to join your life to someone else’s for keeps, so now it’s on to the other big items on the list.  First and foremost is clearly the dress, an intensely personal decision that can be made on instant impulse or after months of agonized comparison shopping.  But aside from the dress, in my experience there’s one thing a bride thinks about more than anything, especially on the day of the wedding.

Champagne and curlers: the ultimate in bridal fashion.

Hair.  It rarely cooperates, does it? No matter how much time you spend trying to wrangle it, it always seems to end up doing whatever it wants, photos and special events be damned.  In this culture, only your weight gets more critical attention than your hairstyle in the constant hail storm of advertising and unsolicited self-help chatter.  But as you look at all those magazines and on line photos of brides wearing their hair “just so,” keep your wits about you.  Every time you see a new hairstyle and wonder how it would look on you, remember those are professional models with a phalanx of stylists working on them, and none of them attended a rehearsal dinner the night before where their future mother-in-law raised holy hell about some part of the wedding that was being done all wrong.  Not one of those ladies in the photos is hung over, or stayed up all night making personal place cards.  And the photographers are very skilled at flattering lighting and angles, as well as the corrective enhancements of post-production software.  There’s no rain or blazing sun in that studio, and the only wind is from the gentle fans placed strategically to make the model’s locks look utterly fabulous.

A great style if you’re getting married in a zero-gravity chamber.

Of course, there are ways to deal with this seemingly impossible challenge: professional help, intense amounts of product, industrial-strength devices. And sometimes the best solution can be drastic action: a fabulous Victoria Beckham bob or even a total color change. Changing up the situation atop your brain can be a great way to re-set a bad year or just gain a pile of confidence, but consider that it may not be in your best interests to make serious changes right before what will probably be the most photographed day of your life.  It’s likely the only time when you will invite a near stranger into your parents’ house or your hotel room to spend hours making you look like someone else.  Remember they work for you, and you’re the one who should make the decisions on how you want to look.  And keep in mind that your future spouse fell in love with you the way you are, hairstyle and all, and may not be bowled over when you walk down the aisle with a completely different look.

Of course, it’s your head, your hair, your life, and your wedding.  One bride kept repeating “I’m a real blonde!” to me when the evidence to the contrary was right there in her mirror.  She had medium brown hair, and there’s no filter to make someone’s locks a different color in the photos after the fact.  So if you want to look like a blonde, be blonde. Ditto for brunette, Emma Stone’s pre-“Spiderman” red locks, Nicki Minaj cotton-candy pink – whatever. But make sure it’s what you really want, because even Photoshop has limits.  You’d be better off saving the trouble and just wearing a wig instead — as long as it’s not too windy.

It works for her. I wonder what the grandchildren will think.

So how about it?  Did you make a radical hairstyle change, or stick with your standard?  Any hair-raising (sorry) stories?

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The Agony Of The Feet

Their magic must be very powerful or they wouldn’t hurt so much!

Yes, we know. Those shoes are very cute. They look fabulous when you’re standing absolutely still in front of the mirror. Leaning on a friend for support. And not really breathing too much in case oxygen throws off your center of balance. But once you take a few steps… not so much. It’s not worth breaking an ankle for the sake of footwear that may not even be visible from under your dress (although there’s a dissenting opinion cited later).  Your maid of honor might literally be the only person to see those shoes all day when she helps you into them because you can no longer view anything below your waist.  Now no one is suggesting you should do anything that will make you look less than fabulous, but remember there is a reality in play here.  You will have to move in those shoes.  You will likely need to march down an aisle or something like it (maybe soft turf that swallows heels like a black hole), while already managing a gown that’s not your standard mode of apparel.  Assuming all goes well you will also want to dance the night away.  And there’s all that adrenaline and nervous energy making you just a bit unsteady to begin with.

Since you’re an adult (or so we’re assuming. This blog does not in any way condone underage nuptials), you know that the key to successful style is to dress for the occasion. This is just as true for weddings as it is for the opera, theme parties or bowling night. Unlike some nights out, your shoes are not the center of attention here. You are.  And the last thing you want is for all that attention to be focused on you limping through your reception, or wincing as you try to finish your first dance while thinking more about blisters than about your new spouse. Plus, you’re forcing the photographer to work a whole lot harder to make you look happy.  And do you want to spend the first day and night at your exotic honeymoon destination soaking your poor mistreated feet?  Didn’t think so.  (This applies to men as well, believe it or not.  Rule One: NEVER wear brand new shoes at your wedding.  Never.  Don’t ask me how I know this.)

Our blog heartily endorses this solution.

Hey, if you have some killer heels you’re just dying to rock for the formal photos, be our guest (technically, you are in fact your own guest. But let’s not get caught up in semantics). Show off those Louboutins to your heart’s content — and maybe send us a pair if you have some extras lying around? Size six-and-a-half? Anyone? But once the photos are done, why drive yourself crazy hobbling around? And getting drunk enough that you don’t notice how much your feet hurt is not a solution. Leave those antics to the bridesmaids.

We can only endorse wearing uncomfortable shoes in the interest of creating high drama (and some great photo ops).  At one outdoor wedding we witnessed a bride who got sick of her heels getting stuck in the grass on every step, so halfway down the hill to the altar she kicked them off and finished the ceremony barefoot. This is a totally acceptable response to inappropriate footwear. And if you’re one of those ladies who honestly would rather break her ankle than look short (we met one very adamant bridesmaid who told us exactly this), at least do what you can to minimize your risk. And maybe make sure someone at the reception has an ice pack.

Is this what you had in mind when you picked out those dazzling shoes?

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I Love You. You’re Perfect. Now Change?

Those highlights are a bit much, don’t you think?

Even though I’ve never done it myself (that hasn’t prevented me from offering my opinions before, so why stop now?), I’ve seen the transformation from “woman” to “bride” so many times that I think I can come up with some general advice for those about to go through the process.  With the possible exception of prom night, never does a female human being put up with so much self-inflicted scrutiny of her appearance than in those months, sometimes longer, leading up to her wedding day.  Every aspect of her outward being is put through a series of tests so rigorous that Aphrodite herself would be found wanting in just about every way imaginable.  Too short?  Too tall?  Too heavy?  Too thin (yes, it is possible)?  Hair too dark?  Too light?  Too curly?  Too straight?  What if we just change the hairstyle and go from blond to brunette and wear heels all the time and join the gym and cut out ice cream and lose fifteen pounds?  You might even spend more time with your reflection in the mirror than you do with your spouse to be.

So let’s take a deep breath, turn away from that reflection, and think about this for a minute.  Why are you here in the first place?  I’ll tell you.  It’s because someone fell in love with you and wants to spend the rest of his or her life with you.  JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.  Your partner didn’t fall in love with some rail-thin model draped in a size zero gown, perfectly coiffed and made up and looking seductively out from the cover of a bride magazine.  No, they fell in love with YOU.  And the person at the other end of that aisle likes your hair and your face because they reflect the person within who has captured his or her heart.  So why in the name of Joan Rivers would you want to transform yourself into another life form?

Again, I’ll tell you.  Because the wedding/industrial complex wants you to.  They want to sell you the full fantasy so you’ll buy lots of expensive products to enable you to look like the model on that magazine cover that your future husband couldn’t care less about.  Now I’m not for a minute saying a bride shouldn’t want to look beautiful on her wedding day, and I’m not so blind as to say all beauty comes from within.  But you don’t want that first look your groom has of you in your wedding gown to be one of confusion.  The fantasy TV shows that offer the winner a complete transformation are just that: fantasy.  In the Jewish tradition the groom lifts the bride’s veil to confirm he’s marrying the right woman, and you don’t want him to have to look hard to make sure.

The sad truth is that I’ve seen quite a few brides work so hard to be glamorous on their wedding day that they lose what was attractive about them in the first place.   Most makeup artists are talented and sensitive people, but some seem to feel they’re getting paid by the pound of product they layer onto the bride.  What makes me cringe is that they always say, “This will look great in the pictures!”  Trust me.  If it looks good in real life, it will look good in the pictures.  And if you look like someone whose makeup was applied with a trowel, it will look like that in the photos too.  I’ve photographed hundreds of brides, and in almost all cases, less was more in the makeup department.  And do you want to risk a radical change to your hair (color, length, style) on this particular day?  If you want it, go for it, but remember he already likes your hair.  And it’s probably best not to buy your dress a size too small to provide incentive to lose weight.  If you succeed, you can always have the dress taken in.  It’s a lot harder to hold your breath for nine or ten hours.

So here’s the bottom line: you are already beautiful to the one person who matters most.  You’re not being held up to any other standard so don’t fall for all the hype and fantasy.  That process of transformation into a bride should make you feel wonderful about yourself, just the way you are.  So when you go back to that mirror, smile at what you see.

Happiness. The real deal.

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Choose Your Volunteers Carefully: The Yin And Yang Of DIY Helpers

Don’t like pink? It’s a little late for that now.

Those of us in the 99% (I’m assuming the 1% probably won’t read this post) are always looking for ways to save money, especially when it comes to something as potentially expensive as a wedding. (That $28K average cost hasn’t changed much since we wrote about it last time.)  So it might seem like a great idea to ask your friend who sends out those cute hand-made Christmas cards to help with your invitations, or appoint your Martha Stewart-wannabe cousin as your florist, right?

Well, maybe not so fast.  No doubt your family and friends are wonderful, talented people, but they’re not hired professionals. (We’ve already discussed the many reasons why you should NEVER consider handing the photo chores to an amateur.)  It’s not impossible that they could do a great job — we’ve seen plenty of weddings where Aunt Kathy baked the cake or the bride’s sister did everyone’s hair, and they’ve turned out beautifully. Most of us have friends with a multitude of skills, and there’s no reason they can’t help you with your wedding. It makes them feel more involved, it saves you from having to invite even more strangers into your life, and it can be a great wedding present, especially for those creative types who may not want to buy you yet another fancy set of knives.

BUT (there’s always at least one of those)… The reason we hire people to build additions on our houses or repair our broken heels is because of those little things called contracts. When you’re paying someone to create all your flower arrangements, they’re promising to actually do it — and to make sure you are satisfied with what they do. The expectation is that you’ll get your money’s worth — after all, they’re running a business, and they have a reputation to uphold. It’s in their best interest to make you the happiest bride in the country. No doubt Cousin Erica loves you and wants to put together the best place settings you’ve ever seen, but when she gets the flu two days before the ceremony, she’s in no shape to find you a replacement. And that’s not even getting into the tricky issue of creative license. You may think you and your friend the designer agreed on the perfect green invitations, but when they arrive, she’s decided they’ll look better in lavender with Papyrus font. Of course it’s not the end of the world, but you don’t want to spend your wedding day worrying about details.  When you’re paying people and they work for you, they’re supposed to do what you want no matter what.  If it’s chartreuse and mauve you like, then so be it.  The last thing you need is an argument from someone who thinks she knows better.  And when friendships (or even family ties) instead of business relationships are on the line, it makes dissent much harder to manage.  You can’t threaten to fire your sister or your roommate.

By all means let your friends and family help out — you shouldn’t feel like you have to control everything yourself.  You don’t have to be “The Decider” and if you try to be, you’ll probably just drive yourself (and everyone around you who wants to help) crazy. Just make sure if you’re outsourcing jobs that you can live with the results if they aren’t exactly what you hoped for.  Relax, and recognize that not everything will be perfect.  And if this time the second layer of Aunt Kathy’s cake slides off onto the floor in the heat, the rest of it will still be delicious.

About 5.7 on the Richter scale.

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Once You’re Dressed, Don’t Go In The Kitchen Without A Bodyguard.

For The Bride, A Chamber Of Horrors!

The process of being transformed into “The Bride” (a form of life unlike any other) can be so all-consuming that said person might forget she is, well, still a person.  Yes, a living, breathing, eating, drinking, sleeping, and tooth-brushing being who still has the basic needs and limitations shared by everyone in the human race.  There’s no question when you put on the white dress, the world treats you differently.  But not so Mother Nature, or Sir Isaac Newton’s famous laws.  The same rules still apply as when you’re in your college hoodie and pajama pants.  As much as everyone keeps repeating that you’re the most beautiful of all God’s creations (which is of course true), underneath all that silk and lace you are still: you, the person who spilled a chocolate shake all over your prom date.

And if you’re the kind of young woman who has trouble getting the forkful of pasta into her mouth without half of it ending up on the table cloth, that limitation hasn’t been dispensed with.  If it’s unlikely the sip of wine won’t occasionally dribble down your chin and onto that sweatshirt, this time it will end up on your wedding dress.  And if you are among the less graceful of us, being attired in a gown that came straight from heaven won’t magically endow you with the cat-like grace of your cat.

The messiest stuff you are allowed to approach is your makeup, and unless you are the ethereally poised Kate Middleton famously doing her own face (with half the British Empire standing by to fix it if you mess it up), you’ll have a makeup artist or a sister to corral it for you.  So herewith some rules to live by, based on my observation of catastrophes and near misses.  Fellow clumsy people, these are for us.

Once you are in your wedding dress:

• Don’t open the fridge.
• Don’t look at the fridge from across the room.
• Don’t even venture into the kitchen until someone else has gone in first to secure the perimeter.

However, this is not to say you shouldn’t eat. Please, please eat before your wedding – because drinking five glasses of wine on an empty stomach to calm your nerves can only end in disaster (and/or some unseemly personal revelations). But do not do it in your dress. Or, if you absolutely must, having been previously forced into your gown at gunpoint or under duress of threats from your mother, at least cocoon yourself in Saran Wrap first. No matter how silly you think you look donning an apron to eat a few bites of cheese and crackers, it pales in comparison to how it would feel to walk down the aisle with brie smudged all over your bodice.  And just to be on the safe side, consume only colorless food (Cottage cheese? Yes.  Blueberry jam? Don’t think so.) and pale liquids (Pinot Gris, not Noir).

Suffice it to say the common sense that should determine these decisions is not as common as it should be.  I’ve seen some real disasters, and heroic recoveries, as a result of misplaced consumables.  But some of these stories are too terrifying to relate in polite company, so I won’t.  Don’t make me tell you the story about the bride and the jar of pasta sauce. Seriously, don’t.  If you are a bride, I promise it will give you nightmares for longer than the original of the Alien series. In fact, it’s better that we never speak of it again.

Not nearly as scary as an open fridge.

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“Perfect” Is A Fantasy. Reality Is Much More Interesting.

Just clouds, or rain on the way?  Whatever happens, you’ll get married and have a great time.

Okay, as we plunge headlong into peak wedding season, let’s get this one out of the way immediately. NOTHING. IS. EVER. PERFECT.  Seriously, has anything ever been perfect?  I’ve seen so many brides, mothers, sisters, maids of honor, and even ancient aunts ruin their makeup with anguished tears as they reach for that unattainable mirage of perfection forced on them by the Wedding Industrial Complex.  They would be so much better off taking what real life serves up and enjoying it as it comes, whether it fits in the grand plan or not.

You know what might be a good idea? As soon as you start getting into wedding-planning-crazy mode (anywhere from a year to two weeks before the Big Day, whatever works for you), make a point to stand in front of your mirror and repeat this to yourself at least five times. It won’t take you to Kansas, but it might snap you back a little closer to reality.

Of course you want everything to be wonderful. It’s your day. Most of us get stressed enough about the nuances of planning and pulling off a successful office party – the effort that goes into a wedding can be enough to fry the rational processing abilities of even the most well-adjusted lady. You’re totally within your rights to panic about the difference between periwinkle and baby blue, and to demand that everyone around you treat this as a completely normal cause of anxiety.

But here’s the thing: like I said oh, about three sentences ago, it’s YOUR day. It doesn’t belong to your mother, it certainly doesn’t belong to your mother-in-law, and it definitely has nothing to do with your friend who always shows up to weddings in a dress better suited for a club in Seaside Heights. You’re getting married. You’re spending the rest of your life with the person waiting for you at the end of that aisle – not with your flower arrangement. Of those two, it’s far more important that one show up all in one piece, with the proper accessories, than the other. You get one guess which it is.  And you want him or her to stick around a lot longer than your bouquet.

Are those roses white, ivory, bone, cream, or champagne? Who cares? They’re beautiful, and so are you.

The only thing that matters is: did you have a good time, and (if you’re feeling generous) did your new spouse have a good time? If you did, everyone else did. There’s almost certainly a law (Martha Stewart’s Third Law of Nuptial Bliss?) dictating that the guests’ enjoyment must reflect – but not surpass – that of the bride.

Remind yourself of this when you’re spending that quality time with your mirror (there will be a lot of that in the next few months, so you might as well make the best of it). And it probably couldn’t hurt to suggest that your mother do it, too.

So one more time, all together now: Nothing, is ever, perfect. (Except for perfect games, but your wedding is presumably not a baseball game. If however for some magical reason it is, I would very much like to be invited.)

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Maybe I WILL Just Do It Myself!

DIY is a huge trend in — well, just about everything these days. It seems like everyone is trying to branch out into some kind of creative, artisanal niche, whether it’s homebrewing their own beer or crafting Zooey Deschanel-worthy headbands. While I’ll be more than happy to see the beer trend pass by (seriously, your seasonal IPA is not better than the great stuff they stock at good liquor stores, no matter how much I pretend to like it), I see why the DIY impulse is so appealing when it comes to weddings. Weddings can be insanely expensive, but they don’t have to be if you plan correctly (and have some talented friends). The all-powerful WIC wants you to think that you need to spend tons of money on every single detail down to the napkins, but savvy brides are catching on that it’s not actually necessary.

Here are a few things I’ve seen done very creatively at weddings, at a much lower cost than you’d pay for someone else to do it:

• Pretty much everything that guests will end up holding. From favors to napkin-holders, these are easily disposable items that shouldn’t be a headache or a high-cost issue. People are going to end up leaving these or throwing them away, so don’t waste your budget on them. This doesn’t mean they have to look cheap — you can still make fun, creative things like these noisemakers that show guests to their tables without involving a stationary store.
  

  Who needs cardholders when apples work just as well? Plus, it gives guests an extra snack!

• On that note, I think some of the best favors are ones that are personal, useful or just plain fun. They don’t have to be fancy to be meaningful — the idea is that guests remember what a good time they had at the wedding, not wonder how much you shelled out for whatever trinket they’re taking home. Maybe the bride and groom are caffeine freaks — why not give a little bag of coffee beans to everyone? Or, even better, the idea of recycling things used during the wedding as favors, like these mason jar flower centerpieces — a two-for-one deal.
• Pretty much everything else that involves paper. Sure, making sure that every single piece of paper in the room has exactly the same font can be soothing to some people, but there’s no reason to shell out a ton of dough on something that, again, is more likely than not going to end up in someone’s recycle bin (hopefully you have the kind of friends who recycle!). Invitations, in particular, can be a huge stress for people — yes, you want your invitation to look, well, inviting, but that’s nothing that can’t be managed in Photoshop. If you have time, it can be fun to design something to represent exactly what you want it to say without spending hours haggling with a “consultant.” Better yet, if you have a graphic designer friend, bribe him or her into helping you with it and, voila! A professional invitation, without the professional price tag! (You should buy your friend dinner or something, though. This stuff ain’t free)
  

  This is only a million times cuter than some fancy invitation with a boring font and a paper name you can’t pronounce.

• Music. This is extremely dependent on the couple and bridal party — some people really want the sound of a live band, and if that’s what their hearts are set on, then they should absolutely do it. Everyone loves live music. But lots of people also just like dancing, whether the music is coming from a guitar, turntable or speakers. Plenty of people already know exactly what music they and their friends want to hear — and if they already have in on their iPod, why waste money putting someone else in charge of it (especially if that someone has his own opinions about musical choices)? Again, music is a very personal thing, but guests will almost certainly have more fun dancing to a really good playlist than a mediocre DJ.

Now, while I support the DIY trend in general, especially in the interest of saving money that could be better spent on something that will be more useful to you as a married couple, I don’t think that the whole wedding should necessarily be made from scratch. There are a few things that probably should be reserved for the professionals, unless you or someone you trust is extremely talented.

• The dress. Dresses are complicated beasts, and wedding dresses even more so. I’m not suggesting you need to shell out the insane amounts of money that most dress designers want you to, but unless you have a professional seamstress in the family, it’s probably best to seek your garments from someone with some experience making them.
• The cake. On a similar note, baking is not as easy as our grandmothers made it seem, and wedding cakes are an art unto themselves. Not everyone goes in for Ace of Cakes levels of madness, and maybe you really do just want a simple cake like the raspberry one your aunt always makes. If that’s what you’re looking for, then by all means go for it, but remember that it’s a lot of pressure for the baker, too. If you don’t want your aunt panicking over whether messing up the cake might ruin your wedding, everyone might be better off with the confections in the hands of trained experts. Plus, from what I’ve seen, you practically need an engineering degree to build those things correctly.
  

  Uh-oh.

• The photographer. You guys already know how I feel about this one.

What about you? Did you DIY anything for your wedding? Have you seen any great crafts, or any that looked like they would have been better left to a professional? Is there anything that absolutely can’t be done on your own?

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Take Me Out To The Wedding!

Now batting…

It’s finally spring in our part of the country.   I know, I know, some of you alternate between spring and summer all year long, but for us the first sign of green growth and wild critters going after each other with mischief on their little minds makes us warm all over, even if it’s not sunny every day.  But the snow is gone, the short skirts are out of the closets, and the college students still have on the flip-flops they wore all winter anyway.  So what do young couples start to think about as they stroll through lush parks and alongside swollen rivers?  You guessed it.  Baseball!

Admittedly we live in a baseball crazed region, our cultural identity defined by unyielding (and many times foolish) loyalty to the local nine.  We even insist on hurling insults at a team from just south of here that has traditionally beaten the crap out of us for the last hundred years or so.  So it’s only natural that many couples want to combine their love of each other with their affection for our boys of summer.  There was a time a few years ago when the team was so uncharacteristically successful that no wedding reception ended without some genuflection to our unexpected championship team.  I’m serious.  Every wedding speech included some reference to the World Series, and anyone who dared to mention that team from just south of here was booed and mercilessly shouted down.  Wedding cakes were decorated with the team logo, or constructed to look like the beloved little ball park.  Wedding parties posed as if playing the national game on the lawn outside the reception hall.  My favorite was a couple who each had nine attendants in the wedding party.  During the formal photos (quite a challenge with twenty people) I joked that they had enough for a baseball game and they said, in unison, “That’s why we did it.”  My kind of people.

We’ve all seen televised proposals during a game with the groom-to-be on his knee in the bleachers, and the blushing (and sometimes reluctant) bride looking at him like he’s completely out of his mind.  There they are on the jumbo screen as thirty thousand of their closest new friends squirm in their seats, hoping she’ll say yes.  I’ve never seen her turn him down, but I know it must happen, and that’s got to put a bigger damper on the day than an A-Rod grand slam.  But if all goes well and she agrees, they can plan to have their wedding reception at the ballpark, an increasingly popular option.

And there’s a certain symmetry to all this.  Spring and baseball have always represented a new beginning, a fresh start, and deeply passionate hopes for the future.  What better metaphor is there for starting a new life together?  “Play Ball” and “I Do.”  A marriage made in heaven, if you ask me.  Tell us if it worked for you.

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What To Wear, What to Wear? Weddings Can Be Such A Challenge.

The Classic Look: no one will ever find fault with this.

Our friends at My Wedding Bag recently put up a post with some tips on how to dress for a wedding, and their advice was right on the money.  All it takes is a little common sense (not so common these days, is it?) to make sure you don’t embarrass the bride and humiliate yourself in front of a lot of people you likely know and will live to see again.  This was their list of do’s and don’ts:

Ladies:

• Never, I mean NEVER wear white. You don’t want to compete with the bride.
• For daytime weddings, short dresses are appropriate. Feminine colors such as pink, light blue, lavender are ideal for spring.
• For evening weddings, cocktail dresses are the norm. Stay away from club wear or anything too revealing.
• If dresses aren’t your thing, try a feminine business suit.

Gentlemen:

• Dress shirts and slacks are appropriate for daytime. Try adding a sports jacket.
• For evening weddings, dark suits or a tuxedo (for black tie) are ideal.
• Don’t show up wearing a T-shirt and jeans, it won’t end well!

But if I could elaborate and amplify a bit, the whole idea of being invited to a wedding is so you can be there to witness and support the ceremonial exchange of vows and promises being made by two people, at least one of whom you care about.  So why do so many wedding guests I’ve seen seem to think the wedding is an opportunity to draw attention to themselves and to stand out in the crowd of otherwise appropriately attired attendants?  Could it be a commentary on the times we live in that some people can’t help but show off way too much flesh or way too little intelligence?  If you’re a guest, no one should be talking about you, so don’t think it’s your big chance to let everyone see the massive tarantula tattoo you’ve got halfway down your back, or the results of your successful drive to bench press 350 at the gym.  Save all that stuff for the beach or your next NASCAR event.  Their wedding is one time when less is definitely more: less of you, and more of them.

After all, it’s a matter of respect.  Unless the couple is putting on a zombie wedding where all bets are off, you can never go wrong by aiming too high on the sartorial scale.  If you’re overdressed a little bit, it’s likely your good taste will be admired.  But if you go too low, you’ll be noticed for all the wrong reasons.  I’m no slave to fashion, but it seems pretty clear to me that  you don’t wear flip-flops and a shirt hanging out of your shorts to an event where someone is wearing a dress that likely set them back something like a thousand bucks.  And for the women?  Not only do you never wear white, but you should never wear something that’s going to garner you more glances than the lady in white herself.  So think a little less cleavage, a more modest amount of skin, and a dress that comes down to a place well south of the Britney line.  You’re there to see the show, not to be the show.  And be sure to let us all know if you’ve seen some fashion faux pas.

OK, you don’t have to worry about what you wear to this one.

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