Groomzilla?

I AM GROOM, HEAR ME ROAR!

I mean no disrespect to my own gender, but most of us recognize that almost the entire wedding extravaganza is about the lovely lady in the white dress.  Grooms are of course essential to the event, but one of them summed up his role to me in five succinct words: “Show up, and shut up.”  He was kidding of course, but that’s within a few “I Do’s” of the truth.

But every so often I’ve witnessed an almost complete role reversal: a bride who smiles sweetly and says “Whatever you would like,” and a groom who takes charge of the whole affair.

That’s right, the groom. Not the bride or a monster mother, but the groom.

I remember one couple who had set aside an unusually long period of time before the wedding for formal photos.  They were already in bridal gown, makeup, and tuxedo a full three hours before the scheduled start of the ceremony, and they had made sure the wedding party and almost everyone else was ready as well. The reason for this uber-punctuality?  The groom wanted a picture of himself with everyone at the wedding. And I mean everyone. He wanted a picture with his second cousin, then his second cousin’s daughter and then his second cousin’s daughter’s niece. And these weren’t group photos, but individual shots only with himself.

He wanted a shot with each individual bridesmaid. Each one. His bride’s best friends.  Never seen anything like it.

Now these photos weren’t the candid type when I happen to catch him speaking to the second cousin’s daughter’s niece.  No, these were posed pictures. We were like a photo studio doing prom pictures with the wedding as an afterthought.

This process took up every single minute of the three hours before the wedding, and we were still at it when someone’s mother (I’ll give you two guesses which mother) called a halt to the proceedings because the ceremony was about to start.

I guess in these days of alleged gender equality it’s fine to be an overzealous groom, believing you are the temporary center of the universe. After all, brides do it. But if you want to have every minute captured on camera, it’s better to roll out a red carpet and hire a team of paparazzi to follow you around just like Will and Kate.

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