Phone Proposals: The Good, the Bad and the Cutler

First of all, let me just remind everyone that I am a wedding photographer. I’m there for the big day and usually nothing else, but I’m still aware that lots of events lead up to that day. Dating, texting, travel, job changes, pregnancy scares, breakups, “breaks,” coincidences that seem straight out of a rom-com — all kinds of things contribute to this exciting moment. But there’s one precedent that’s pretty much entirely a given: the proposal.

The happy couple

Again, proposals happen in every imaginable way and place: the classic down-on-one-knee, the ultimatum, the accidental conversation and agreement, the romantic weekend getaway — even on top of the Empire State Building. I’m not there for the proposal, of course, but I almost always hear about it. People like to tell these kinds of stories, and they’re all, always, just a little different.

But there might be such a thing as too different. I can tell you that, in all my years of lurking around wedding-related stories, never once have I heard of a text proposal — or an engagement ring being sent through the mail. So I was more than a bit stunned to hear about the engagement of famous blonde person Kristin Cavallari and perpetually disappointing Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, who apparently agreed to get married while she was in the Chicago airport. That’s not necessarily the bad part, but mailing a ring halfway across the country rather than giving it in person? Call me old-fashioned, but that just seems in bad taste to me.

Now, Cavallari says she has no problem with how the whole thing went down, but let’s be honest — there’s going to have to be some kind of redemption for this whole thing. And it might just be the ceremony. But compensation weddings — you know, the kind where the whole thing is completely out of control expensive or over-the-top lavish to make up for some kind of earlier transgression or romantic failing (like, say, a text-message proposal) — can be awkward affairs. It’s so clear that the bridal party, or the parents, or whomever may be in charge, is trying so desperately to make a point about their financial status or total swoony unshakeable love that they need everyone else to see it All The Time. Plus, if it’s obvious you’re compensating for something, the rest of us are going to start to wonder what it is. At least with the Cavallari-Cutler nuptials, we already know what it is.

Kristin shows off the ring at last. I hope he at least had the decency to FedEx overnight it.

But really, folks. I know we live in a digital age and everything, but is it so hard to ask in person? The other person’s smile has to be worth something, right? I just find it hard to believe an Instagrammed photo would have the same effect. The text-message breakup , horrible as it is, already exists — let’s not make this any worse, no matter how badly we want to be reality TV stars or NFL quarterbacks. Celebrities aren’t always the best role models, you know.

But if you really need to use your phone as your romantic aid, have the decency to make a proposal as sweet and creative as this guy’s. I hope you’re taking notes, future Cutlers of America!